110. Improve your Performance as a Partner

This week, Kate and Eric discuss why people are obsessed with "getting there", and how when you stop to think about it, you're right where you gotta be.

Topics:
➡️Why we LOVE setting goals
➡️How we prevent ourselves from taking action
➡️How focusing on our partner keeps us stuck
➡️Why 1% is better than all or nothing thinking

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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Eric MacDougall
Today, we're talking about performance, how to improve your performance as a partner,

Kate MacDougall
not just in thebedroom. I said, that's just because every time you talk about performance, honestly, my mind goes to the gutter.

Eric MacDougall
The reason that we talk about performance, and how we're gonna kind of frame this is that most of the time, when we think about not only just our relationship, but really thinks about our lives, we are outcome focused, right? So I talked to a lot of men, and a lot of times, it's all about, I need to fix my marriage, I need to save my marriage, I need to turn things around, I need to create a better marriage, etc, etc. And it's always this idea of an outcome, like a destination, right? Like we're gonna get somewhere, right? And so in a sense, sometimes even when you and I talk, right, especially the beginning, it's always, hey, like, what are we trying to create? Like, what do we want to do, and it's like, when you want to do this, this this. And so we think about this idea of creating an outcome for ourselves, right? And we do this as individuals, I want to lose 20 pounds, I want to be at the gym five days, this week, I want to yada yada, yada. And we're doing all those things. Because we want to get to this place of success, if you will, right, achieving that specific outcome. And if you really take that all the way to the end, we want to achieve these outcomes, because we imagine they will make us feel differently. Right? And so, and when I say that, I don't mean they're going to make us happy. Because sometimes we actually try to create outcomes to stop feeling the way we're currently feeling. Yeah,

Kate MacDougall
I think that's most of the time. I think we're we usually have an outcome to stop something right to change a behavior we're no longer willing to live with. Yeah, exactly. I have a feeling we're no longer willing to live

Eric MacDougall
with, right, like we experience, shame, sadness, discomforts, and whatever. Yeah, like exactly, powerlessness. And so we think, hey, if I can get to this place, I'm gonna stop feeling this feeling is gonna go away. And it'll be replaced with another feeling. Yeah, you know,

Kate MacDougall
and most of the time, it's I, I'm done feeling like crap. Feeling like Shi T. Like, I want to feel better. Yeah,

Eric MacDougall
exactly. And sometimes we create the outcome from that neutral position of like, things are good. But I want more so because I want to feel neutral. Cause I know it's like, whatever, but my life, I want to be happy and I want to feel fulfilled. And I want to so you have an idea that once you achieve a specific thing, then

Kate MacDougall
feeling Yeah. You feel Yeah, you're

Eric MacDougall
exactly. We call it in our marriage chasing a feeling, right? So you're just chasing a feeling right now. So why don't you just allow yourself to drop into that feeling? Right instead? So instead of trying to do x, y and z to be happy, why don't you just figure out how to Be happy right now by like looking around at certain things in your life that bring you pleasure, joy, etc.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, because often times those outcomes we're setting for ourselves are long term outcomes, right? Like, look at that 20 pound one, right? Like, you're not going to lose 20 pounds in a week. So you're going to be months and months, there's going to be months and months of you feeling like crap about yourself until you lose that 20 pounds. If you lose that 20 pounds, and in the meantime, you're just gonna keep feeling the way you're feeling like, we're not saying don't go chasing that new new outcome, like don't go wanting to lose 20 pounds or getting a new job or whatever. But in the meantime, you still have to find happiness, you still have to find that feeling you're chasing, despite not having that big end result by doing little things every day, that will make you feel that way.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, and we call it like, focusing on your performance, right? So Kate, you often talk about this idea of like, I want to be a better wife. And that's not this idea where like, you're gonna make it at some point where you're like, I've made it, I've been this better, right? Like, you're an amazing wife, you know that you do all these amazing things. But it's more along the lines of, I am going to continue to improve my performance is

Kate MacDougall
broken off. Yeah. And understanding that there's never going to be that end. Like, there she is, the perfect wife like that doesn't exist, because seasons are going to come and go in our lives, things are going to come and go, you know, we're going to face different challenges, we're going to face different things. And, you know, I'm going to have to change that definition, often of what a good wife is at that time.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. And that's if you focus on the outcome, right? Because what happens is, you're like, I'm a good wife today. But the next day, you're like, I'm a crappy wife. So I guess I'm not a good wife. So that erases everything, because now you haven't achieved the outcome again. And so instead, you want to say I'm constantly improving my performance. The other thing that's really important understand is that when you are outcome focused, the feeling that you typically derive from the outcome is fleeting. And this is something that I talked to a lot of men in the group, right when I'm coaching them is, you think that the specific thing that you want is going to bring you the feeling, and it might, but the problem is that feeling is fleeting. So you know, it's like, when you feel successful, perfect example, to talk about the 20 pounds, when you lose 20 pounds, how long will you be happy, excited and euphoric about losing 20 pounds? Might be an hour might be a week, right? But eventually, you're gonna get back to kind of normal emotional human beings states exactly where you get to experience all kinds of difference in feelings, etc. And so that success metric of you hitting 20 pounds, and the feeling you get if like, yeah, I've made it, woohoo. And you're telling everybody about it? Well, two weeks later, the feeling's gone.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, it's like eating a really tasty meal. Like, you're like, I'm really craving Putin. You have the Putin, you're like, Oh, my God, this was so delicious. And then after you're like, Well, okay, but not what,

Eric MacDougall
exactly. And then so what happens is, you look for the next outcome. Yeah. And then this is what we call the rat race of life, right? So you're like, I've achieved this outcome. Now I need a new outcome. And what people don't understand is, the more things you hit, right, the more outcomes you get, the more goals you attain, the more fleeting, that feeling of successes. And so for somebody who set a lot of goals in his life and achieved a lot of goals. Now, you know, I had gotten to a point in my life where I'm like, I hit these big goals, I hit these big metrics, and it's just like, whatever. What's next? And I remember you brought a lot to my life. Kate, when you were like, You, we need to celebrate this. But I was like, Yeah, whatever. Like, I'm just I've already been thinking about the next thing that Yeah. And so I actually was, you know, in a way, removing the entire feeling of success, because I was just moving on to the next outcome.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, you were never stopping to be like, Look how far I've been, like, look at what I've achieved in XYZ, number of years or time or months or weeks. Look how

Eric MacDougall
much I've improved myself. And how much yeah, I've kind of attained these things for these new skills, new habits. Look how much I'm growing.

Kate MacDougall
Right? And focusing on on the progress. It helps you do that? Because you're looking at, wow, like, I'm growing every day. I'm doing more yesterday, last week. I didn't do this much like so. So if we take the example of wanting to lose 20 pounds, it's like, man, last week, I sat on the couch every night. And this week, I actually went for two walks. Yeah, that's progress. Yeah. Have you reached the outcome yet? No. But you're getting there. You're moving in performance, improving your performance, you're progressing, you're evolving, you're growing and the week after it's going to be three walks for walks, then maybe you're going to start going to the gym, then you're going to adjust your diet and that performance is just going to improve and evolve as time moves forward.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. Oh, yeah, and there's a few things in terms of why focusing on your performance is really powerful. The first thing is, is that you are motivated to take action. Big problem with being so outcome focused, is that when you think about something, you want this outcome, and you're unsure about the best way to get there, because the mind wants to be extremely efficient, you typically spend your time researching, learning, figuring out, what's the best way for me to get there, am

Kate MacDougall
I gonna get from A to Z in the most efficient way,

Eric MacDougall
right? And even then, how do I make sure I actually get from A to Z, right. And so something like weight loss is pretty easy in terms of a lot of information, and you kind of get it. And it's a little bit easier to understand, in most cases. But when it comes to things like improving your relationship, or being a better husband, what often happens is your outcome is actually tied to your partner's emotional state. Right. And this is where we see a lot of and a lot of partners where, you know, men will be like, Well, I would know that my marriage is saved, because my wife would be happy. And she would be excited to see me. And so what happens is now, you need to try to create your partner's emotional state. And so what do you spend your time doing? looking for information on how to manipulate your partner or change your partner's mind? make them happy all the time?

Kate MacDougall
Yeah. And I still do that in our relationship, like how to be a better wife. Google it, like how to be a better? Oh, will your husband buy him surprises? Okay, check, check, check. I'm doing it on my husband. Exactly. And then you go down the rabbit hole, best dates, best surprises, best gifts, like free dates, because we're broke. But yeah, and then I just remember doing all the things I did the research did all the things that feelings still wasn't coming.

Eric MacDougall
Because Aaron's kind of doing his own thing, right?

Kate MacDougall
He was still not, you know, making me feel like I was the most wonderful wife in the world, despite doing everything Google was telling me to do. That's right.

Eric MacDougall
So what typically happens in those cases is, you end up being focused on your partner's responses to your action, in this case, your performance. And so you lose sight of how great things you're doing are and how important they are. And instead, your performance is only measured by your partner's response,

Kate MacDougall
right? There's no actual way for you to see your own success, right? Unless your partner is like clearly telling you, you're doing a great job.

Eric MacDougall
Right, exactly. And it's this idea that if you don't get specifically what you want, yeah, you, you essentially erase all the great things you did. Instead of thinking, there's all kinds of reasons your partner might not be doing that. Maybe they don't trust that what you're doing is real right now, because it has been done for a long time. Maybe they don't really notice all that much. Because they have their own lives and their own stress, maybe their own overwhelms going on. Maybe they appreciate it, but they're not really great at expressing

Kate MacDougall
exactly. I was just about to say maybe they do notice it, but they're just they're never been taught or it's never been something that they were good at to like, say, Hey, you're doing a great job. Yeah. Right. And then sometimes we'll look for those subtle hints of like, are they smiling more? Are they doing this more, but you ever know what's going on in their personal life, like, you know, at a certain point, but like, you're not inside their body, knowing exactly, you know how they're feeling. So it's very hard to measure.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, that's right. So if that is your outcome that you're trying to create, but when you don't create it, you get deflated. And over time, if you continue to get deflated, yeah, not only give up, but maybe you get a bit resentful of your partner, maybe you start to catastrophize a situation of like, I'm trying everything, and you don't love me and all this stuff. And you essentially cannot deal with this disappointment. So you end up, you're kind of like throwing it out onto your partner. So that's really important. Think about because the second thing we want you all to understand about performance is when you're focusing on your performance, it becomes about you instead of your partner. Yeah, and this is very dangerous, because you can end up being in this space where you're constantly mind mapping your partner, you're constantly focusing on them, it's all about them and what they're doing, what they're not doing, and they kind of become the center of your entire reality. And when that happens, you lose sight of your ability to make an impact on the relationship.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, and you kind of forget that you are powerful individual, in as yourself just as yourself without changing any part of you that already you bring so much to the relationship. I think we often forget that like, and we've said this before in the podcast, when you meet your partner. I mean, the first day you two met, like and then you meet and you you slowly fall in love with each other like they fell in love with that person. That person that was you and And you never have to change who that person is. Because that's who they fought fell in love with, you know, so. So to force yourself to become this person you think your partner wants you to be it's just, you're it's a losing battle because you you're being authentic to yourself. That's right.

Eric MacDougall
And when you are not focused on your on your own performance and said you're focused on your partner, what they're doing what they're thinking, and then essentially trying to fool yourself or be a chameleon, right? In terms of who you think they want you to be, then you step into that idea of the reflect itself, where you're no longer authentically you, right? You're no longer real, honest, true, you. And instead, you become this idea of who you think they want you to be.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, and it might be a woman thing for me. But like, I, as you were saying that it made me think so much like of the conversations I've had with different women in my life. And it's just so hard as a woman, because we go through so many different stages, like, you go from being, you know, a student to, you know, a career as an employee, are you Yeah, I mean, I'm talking about like, a typical, like, I'm not saying this is everyone's journey. But for me personally like that, was that right? I was a student, kind of partying, having fun with my girlfriends, to being a, you know, a committed girlfriend to Eric to kind of slowing down our lives to eventually starting a family having a baby like, that changed my identity so much, and, and in all those life changes, those big life changes, especially for me, having the kids was a huge life change. Having a career as a teacher, for me was huge, because it defined, it changed my definition of who I was, you know, like, now I was being seen in public, by my students, by my students, parents and I, I've always been very, like, conscious of what society thought of me outside of my home. But this like, amplified that like feeling I have. And so becoming a teacher becoming a mom, all of those things, and, and I lost Kate, like, I did not know who this person was anymore. And so my go to was like, well, maybe I can just be the person Eric wants me to be. And then that will like solve some problems. And so I just started just being like, a chameleon to you and just being like, oh, oh, Eric likes to play baseball. Well, I'll start playing baseball, oh, Eric likes doing this, oh, I'll do that too. Like, and I just started like gluing myself to you and all of your activities. And, and like, I started losing friends, and you know, spending a lot of time with you, and spending a lot of time as a mother. And the only people I was associating with were other mothers. And so it was so hard for me to find that identity again. And I mean, our son, our first son, our first child is eight years old. Eight years later, I'm kind of finding who that person is. It's a huge journey for women. I think, for a lot of us, we kind of grieve a past that no longer exists. That's right. We grieve a part of us that we're no longer maybe going to see or maybe not going to see for a long time.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. Because maybe holding on some hope. Yeah, it'll come back. Like

Kate MacDougall
maybe I'll be able to travel again, or we're, you know, party with my girlfriends, like, hopefully one day, but it's not coming soon. So now I'm like, Oh my gosh, like, when is that going to happen soon? And all you focus on is that

Eric MacDougall
like this on a whole tangent, but like a lot of people have this idea of like, I just want it to go back to the way it was. Yeah, it can't You can't know. Yeah, like in the mastermind. We call it like marriage. 2.0. It's like your old marriage is dead. Yeah. Like and that's that's some beauty to it. Right? of like being able to grieve the past and say, Look how amazing was liquid God is here. Now it's time to evolve to the next step.

Kate MacDougall
Exactly. And I think that that's where we're at, in our relationship, right? Like, we're, we're moving phases in our relationship, we were in a very dark spot for a while, then we worked super hard, like dogs at times, like a million. And then now we're kind of in this mode of like, things are going well. And I just kind of I've personally for myself, kind of just want to leave it at this like safe plateau where it is like, let's not do anything, let's not move. Let's not like, pivot because what if

Eric MacDougall
but let's also be that's kind of too I noticed, because again, we're taking a bit of tension here, but part of you must be hyper aware to never go back to the past. Exactly. Right. Right. It's like as much as you're like, hey, let's just kind of stay on an even keel. There's another part of you that is something like hey, let's just stay here. Like it's just a snapshot. And

Kate MacDougall
because if anybody anything changes, like what if it changes back to that? That's right. And I wanted to just keep going forward. So if I can't completely trust that we're not gonna go forward. I'm gonna stay right here.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, and I think a lot of people relate to you That sounds right to what you're saying, I think a lot of people have this idea of, I would rather keep what we have now than do something and make it worse, right. And again, we have a negative bias as human beings. So we often think about, I would love to do these things. But what if it rocks the boat too much? And what if it ends up either bringing us back to the blow up that we had in the past, or kind of ruins everything we've created. And that's a legitimate fear that people live with, right? That's why it takes courage to do a lot of the things you're doing of, you know, rocking the boat, challenging me and our marriage, and,

Kate MacDougall
and even just even more like getting back on topic challenging myself, to find myself again, to be like, Kate, you're gonna go out, you're going to try this class at some gym, you've never been to when you're gonna see if you like it, and you're not going to do it with Eric, and you're not going to do because they're told you, you're just going to do it, because this is kind of something that seemed interesting to you.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. And coming back full circle to what you were saying about improving performance. Right? You have been expressing in your journey, a season we're in, but certainly over the last eight months of wanting to tap More into your courage. And so you have been dramatically focused on taking courageous action, right of saying, hey, yes, I'm scared, yes, that's normal, but I'm going to do it anyways. And through just focusing on that a saying, I'm going to do things that are hard things that I'm uncomfortable with, I'm going to do more of that stuff, I'm gonna get out of my comfort zone. Well, that is allowing you to focus on your performance and get a lot of wins. Instead of creating this idea of one of these days, I won't be scared of anything.

Kate MacDougall
Right, exactly. And coming to terms with the fact that, you know, focusing on my performance has helped me come to terms with the fact that the outcome that I'm dreaming of, that I want isn't a realistic outcome. Okay, you know, like, because I have this diagnosis, I have brain fog, or malformation that I was going through some health challenges, things that are going on nothing, life threatening, just something that's been new in my life, and that I've had to face and learn to live with. And that is not part of your life. It's not it's not part of my life, I have no choice, I have to accept it. But this outcome that one day, the symptoms that I feel from this, it's going to go, that's not going to happen, it's impossible. And every health professional I've met with so far has has been like, you're just gonna have to learn with it, you can take some medication to easy to get it up. But you're just going to have to learn to live with it. And so my performance focusing on my performance has helped me realize that that outcome might be realistic. So now just focusing on my performance and realizing like, Hmm, I feel better this week than I did last week, because of these new actions that I started taking. I feel better this week, compared to last week because of these new actions. So every week, I'm trying something new, I'm trying something different. And that's been much healthier for me and a lot more encouraging for me, than to continue being like, Well, I'm not there yet. I'm not there yet. I still have the the headaches, I still have the you know, dizziness. And, you know, it's that was exhausting for me. And it just felt like I was running this race, just focusing on like this finish line that just kept backing up. And I was like, why is it going? I'm exhausted.

Eric MacDougall
And I think it was very courageous of you to bring that into our lives and kind of bring that acceptance to all of us of saying like, hey, based on what I'm experiencing right now, like, this is kind of the rules. These are the things I'm not gonna be able to do. You know, the kids are on board with, like, what they expect out of you. And I think that has allowed us all to help you. Right, except this into your life. Yeah, I think it's really important. Yeah,

Kate MacDougall
but that's not by me, you know, trying to force everyone around me to conform to me, that's by me expressing to others, what I need from them are expressing honestly invulnerable vulnerability, that, you know, Hey, kids, I know you want me to jump on the trampoline. And I would love to jump on the trampoline. And it makes me so sad not to be able to anymore, but I'm not going to be able to do it. I need to protect my my brain. Yeah,

Eric MacDougall
just an activity that I can do. Right. Yeah, exactly. And I think, you know, if we bring it back kind of full circle, this idea of performance, when you are focused on your own performance, it helps you stay motivated. And it helps you kind of keep the momentum up, right? Because if you're only focused on outcome, it's essentially like I either get it or I don't, and bring it back to like your partner, if you are always focused on how do I make my wife happy? Well, that's a moving target constantly. So you're always gonna be happy, and you're going to be who is awesome, but then you're always unhappy, you're gonna be rock bottom, and it feels like a roller coaster. So emotionally that's draining on not only you, but it's draining on your partner, because in a sense, they have to be happy for you to function. And so it creates this space in your relationship where it's like, whatever your wife's unhappy, she feels like she can't anymore because it agitates you

Kate MacDougall
right? It's almost like the partner needs to like hide that emotion hide that like Oh god, I'm not feeling happy. But I can't show Eric's I just smile,

Eric MacDougall
right? I wish I could talk about how crappy my day was, but I can't, because Eric's gonna jump through hoops trying to fix it and get really uncomfortable and, and so it's really important in those moments to really take the spotlight and put it back on you and start thinking about your performance. How do I want to be a husband? Right? What are the things I want to be doing as a husband? What are the actions ought to be taking the behaviors, the way I talk my tone, and that is important for you to just say, I'm going to improve on these things. I want to be a husband that brings his wife out on dates, that shares his gratitude to his wife, right? I remember when I started sharing gratitude with you. Because that was not necessarily something that happened a lot in your life, where people would just praise you openly and say how amazing you were, that you kind of weird off by it, like, what did I do to deserve this praise?

Kate MacDougall
What do you want? Yeah,

Eric MacDougall
or what do you want? I guess, is that a manipulation tactic or something, right? But the idea where I'm just like, you're an amazing woman, and here, let me explain to you why you're so amazing why you bring such value to my life. You're like, oh, what's going on here? Like, you're being weird about it. But I could have just said, Oh, you don't accept my gratitude. What the heck, I'm trying something new. I can't believe you don't accept this. And instead, I was just like, Okay, that's cool. Do you think it's weird? I'm gonna keep doing it. Yeah. And I'm not gonna remember once

Kate MacDougall
you were saying, like, Does it bug you when I send you those texts? Or those voice messages? Because you were doing it a lot to write a message? And I was like, No, and you're like, I just you don't answer. So I just wanted to make sure like, it's not bothering you. And I was like, no, no, I actually like it. And you're like, Okay, then I'll continue doing it. But had I said, like, Yeah, it's weird. It's, I don't, I don't like it. You might have adjusted the way you were doing and like, maybe not by text or by voice message, but you might have slipped it, you know, at dinner time or whatever. But it doesn't mean that just because I'm not responding the way you want me to respond, that you stopped and you continue doing it.

Eric MacDougall
You're right. But if you were like, Eric, every time I hear a gratitude, it makes me curl and I throw up, I'd be like, Okay, well, we need to have conversation.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah. And I would like for you to get to a place where you can accept my gratitude. Yeah. In the meantime, let me back off a little try it, maybe I'll write a note. Like, you know, little touch of gratitude here and there instead of like, full blown so I

Eric MacDougall
can help you receive it. Right, instead of just just kind of drinking from the firehose. So that's the second thing. The third thing that's really important think about is, when you're focused on performance, and you've heard this, it's people have been saying it for years, this idea of like, the journey is the goal, right? Stop thinking about the goal is something about gaining pleasure in that and instead focus on the journey. Well, this is what we're talking about. So when you're focused on performance, which is the journey, instead of the outcome, which is the goal, you end up feeling more fulfilled, and it's so much fun, exactly. And when you really put this on a priority, what you're going to realize is a couple of things we've realized in our own lives, is not only does it feel more fulfilling, because you kind of get lost in just like doing feeling awesome. And be like I did all this awesome stuff. Today, it feels so great that I accomplished all these things, in the sense of just improving myself, right? Not only that, but you also start to see evidence for your performance improving, right, which typically is the outcomes. So literally, without even thinking about the outcomes, just by improving your performance, the outcomes just happen. But the other thing too, and this is like not stuff a lot of people talk about, but you typically blow like your desired outcome out of the water in terms of like, you go way past what is possible. Yeah. Because when you think of the goal, when you're just like, I want to do this thing, it's usually actually the bar is pretty low, like you set the bar low, because you want to attain it, right, because we hate failing goals. So you're like, I'm gonna put this this game that I know I can win, and I'm gonna set the bar low. But what happens is, when you think about your performance, you end up just performing and getting used to it and building these great habits and doing these great things. And they're gonna wake up one day, three months, six months, one year down the line and be like, how the hell did I get here? This is awesome. Yeah, what I'm doing.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, and I notice you're, you're getting very good at doing that. Now, like you used to just like zoom through your successes. And now I actually hear you saying that, like, Hey, can we just like sit back and look at our lives for five years? Like, this is incredible. Like you did it to

Eric MacDougall
believe we have the life we have? Like, I can't believe it. We talked about this yesterday. I'm so excited. I'm so happy though. Yeah,

Kate MacDougall
me too. But I think that it's so important to do that and to be able to slow it down and really, like, stop and look like put yourself in like a you know, a film director role. And like, look back at the movie you just created in the last few weeks or the last few months, and look back at those reels and see like, what bam. Yeah, like I rocked I rock that.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, like way further along than I was. Yeah, you know, and there's that old saying, and I'm probably gonna butcher it. It's like a quote. But it's like, remember exactly where you are now, at some point in your life. You wish to be right here. Yeah, right. Yeah. So it's like when you're focusing on growth and you're doing all this stuff. There was a time in even my life in our marriage. I was like, I just wish the kid and I could have like a great conversation and So now don't take those conversations for granted. Right? Like, we're, we're just talking. I mean, sometimes I probably do take them for granted how great it is. But if I'm being real, but for the most part, it's like, this is kind of amazing that we can just talk, sit on the couch and just have a conversation that feels fulfilling to both of us. Mm hmm,

Kate MacDougall
exactly. Yeah. And I love that I love that. We've both kind of grown to be able to, like, sit back and look at the Reel of our life and be like, wow, like to remember when we were Dum Dums? Yeah, a few years ago, probably

Eric MacDougall
be saying that 10 years. Yeah, remember, we're recording this podcast, and we thought we knew it all. And so what we really want you to think about is, you know, shift this idea of focusing on your outcomes to focusing on your performance, right? Think about yourself as a man, as a woman, as a husband, partner, or wife, whatever. And even as a mother, as a brother as a, you know, employee. And it's not about how do I get these goals? How do I achieve these things? But how do I just focus on my performance, and improving it every day getting better by 1% steps

Kate MacDougall
every day, small things every day, lead to huge changes.

Eric MacDougall
That's right. And so not only will that help you feel more in control of your own life, but it's also going to give you something to focus on right now that you can improve, we always have something that we can improve upon. Yeah. And to be honest, you're complete exactly as you are. None of us are broken, right? So it's this idea of how do I just take who I am now and improve it a little bit. So things are different tomorrow, and just keep that cycle going. So eventually, you get to a place where you want to believe where you're at.