In this episode, Kate & Eric talk about the realm of sexual energy, creative expression, and the power of connecting with life force.

Topics:
➡️ How creativity and nature help balance our energy.
➡️ Fun ways to express ourselves and feel free.
➡️ Healthy tips for feeling good and energized.

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TRANSCRIPT:
Eric MacDougall
Today, we're talking about sexual energy. So this question actually came from one of our members in the mastermind, which is, you know, and you can find this in whatever way but if you imagine yourself kind of being the high desire partner, wanting to connect sexually with your partner, often, and for whatever reason, they might not be able to have as much right either, it's just really their desire capacity is lower, and they don't really have as much desire as us. So they're unwilling to kind of share their body with you in that way. Maybe something is hurting their body. Right, exactly. Operation or anything like that. Maybe they're having all kinds of reasons why they're unable to engage with you sexually. Right? And so for whatever reason, you know, if you imagine yourself in a situation where you want to connect sexually your partner, but right now, they're your partner's not into that. And so how do you cultivate this connection to your sexual energy? Without necessarily resulting into like watching porn? Or chronically masturbating or all these things? How do you do it in actually, in a healthy way? And for me, I love this question, because I teach a lot about this in terms of in the mastermind about kind of lifeforce and what that means. And I do want to get into this idea of like, what men are conditioned to think about in terms of what they can connect to. But really, the foundation of what I think about in these situations is that oftentimes men, you know, we have been told that the only way where we can feel that kind of release that connection to life energy, right, which is, which is the feminine, the feminine is all of life, right? That's, that's at its core, that's what you're trying to connect to this like feeling of aliveness. And so, when you're having sex with your partner, you're having healthy sex with your partner, you're trying to connect to feel alive, right. And so what that does now is we've been conditioned as men that this is the only way you can do that, right? And so you can't do other things that make you feel alive. You either have to always be competing, always be achieving, or always be fixing and solving problems and providing. And so what that creates is a very narrow system where the only time you can feel alive is through sexual connection with your partner. Right? And I don't wanna get too deep into this idea of like women have been now charged with this idea of taking care of the masculine sexual ego and all that crap. What I'm talking about is, you know, in a healthy sexual relationship, even you know, in when the marriage is good, typically the only time the man is able to connect to that lifeforce is through the act of sex. And what we want to talk about today is other ways to connect to that lifeforce that really have nothing to do and having sex but can get close the same sort of life energy connection fulfillment that you would from a sexual experience,

Kate MacDougall
right Because I can imagine like, as a man, if your, you know, mission in life is to be protecting and, you know, providing and all of these things, right? It's very, and if you look at like masculine energy, right, it's they always say it's like the walls of the river. Right? Like, it holds everything together, it holds everything strongly. Like, it has a clear direction and a clear ending. And it's very, very boxy. Right? And when you think about sex, I mean, sex is in no way boxy. There's no way you can make it boxy. You cannot it. It's unpredictable. It's, it's, you know, wild, it's fun. It's it's passionate. It's call it what it is. But sex isn't always this act of a to be and when it is, that's usually when sex is unhealthy and unpleasurable. For the people, for the people, for the people involved. Yeah, well, the people watching. I don't know, why is it that but yeah, so so just the act of sex itself, is very feminine, it's very free. It's very flowy. It's very passionate and beautiful. It's like this amazing act that as a man, I can imagine, it must be such a nice feeling to like, let go of that responsibility of holding it all together, and just being able to like release and allow yourself to just be like, ah, like, yes, like, must feel so good. So to say, you know, well, if I can't have sex with my spouse, for whatever reason, like how else am I supposed to feel this, like, release of energy? So many ways, just be like a girl, just being more feminine. You

Eric MacDougall
know what, I think that I think a lot of what I teach in the mastermind is about that is like how do we cultivate our masculine energy and our connection with the feminine, beyond just sacks with a partner, because I love what you said, right, which is this idea of what attracts men to sacks which is they're trying to get as close as they masculine men, right, are trying to get as close as they possibly can, to freedom. And so that's kind of you're talking about this unpredictability, this release, right? Like, that's what they're looking for. And there's other ways you can do it, you can kind of get feminine, which we're gonna talk about, no, but I really want to encourage men that, you know, this is this is not just for men who like, maybe feel like they can't have as much sex as they want. This should be like involved in your life all the time. And make sure complete, man, you're not gonna Yeah,

Kate MacDougall
it's very healthy to have a very good balance, a very good, like, equilibrium between the masculine and the feminine energy in your own bodies. As women, as a woman, I need to connect to my feminine just as much as I need to connect to my masculine. One will always trump the other one will always be a little stronger than the other. But I do need to fall into like, for me, it's the feminine, but I do need to fall into my masculine. Sometimes, you know, it helps me get through society, it helps me do things that, you know, I probably don't want to do and wouldn't do otherwise. If I was always in my feminine. So it's very healthy for me to tap into both, just as it would be for men. Because if your only focus is to provide and protect and, and doo doo doo. Well, you're not having fun in life.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, at all. Yeah. And I think you know, if people have trouble with these terms, masculine and feminine, a lot of the things that I what I like to say is, you know, the feminine is all about life energy, this feeling of aliveness. Right. So that's like the, the flow of the creative like you talked earlier. It's like the water in the river, right? As opposed to the masculine is all about structure, closing loops, right kind of organization in order to get to freedom. Right. So that's the side of the riverbeds. That's the containers we create. That's the structure we create in our lives that's achieving everything to kind of, you know, check all the boxes. Yeah. And so again, there's a place for each of those and part of us often, you know, like one more than the other.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah, and I think it's very hard because of the words masculine, feminine and feminine. call it x, call it Y, whatever you want to call it. It's not about being masculine man, feminine woman. That's not what we're talking about here. As always, it's about an energy it's about, you know, the X energy and the Y energy, call it what you will, but it's just that one energy is a lot more boxy, a lot more organized a lot more structured, the other one is definitely much more free flowing. So if masculine, feminine, makes you uncomfortable, because you don't want to be the feminine man. Then call it something else.

Eric MacDougall
Right. And I'll give you a perfect example I can talk about but before we dive into like exactly what we suggest, in our relationship, I am more of the free dancer. Right? And so yeah, Yeah, like when I when I hear music right oh dancer

Kate MacDougall
like actually dancer I thought you're talking like like, definitely yeah, you're most definitely the free dancer. Yeah. What did you think I was like, like you were talking in like, hypothetical third terms like I'm like a free dance or like a free spirit. Oh

Eric MacDougall
no. I mean like literally when music is on. I am usually the one that's shaking. It's moving. It's flowing. Yeah. Right. And so that's me connecting to that life energy side that lifeforce as opposed to you. There's a little more, you're a little more reserved, or there's a little more rigidity where it's like, I don't want to let that out.

Kate MacDougall
Start that though. Because that's a whole nother subject is that was I was told to, to rain down rain and your allergies too much. And it's so funny because our daughter actually the other night, put on some Britney Spears, toxic and feminine energy common. could learn something from a six year old, looking at her like panicking, like, Oh, my God, oh my gosh, please stop dancing like that. Please don't dance like that. And I'm like, why Kate? Why, like, she's this beautiful little seven year old, just moving her body like every little inch of it, even her toes removing like she was moving so hard. It was like knocking the breath out of her. She was like every movement was like, and I was like, Oh, my God, she's really into this. I was making so uncomfortable. Because I was conditioned to believe that that was too much. And we're not even going to get into how the feminine is always told to reel back. But yeah, so get back into the masculine moving

Eric MacDougall
Exactly. So if you're, you know, I think in this case, we're talking specifically about, you know, men who are in their masculine, who want to get into that life force. So there's a couple of coaches that are pretty easily to do, which are always recommended, right. And I think even this man who had this discussion, he already talked about, you know, meditation, breath work is a big, big one, right? So just learning to breathe in your body box breathing, things like that, just by connecting to your breath regularly, that will make you connected to life, right? So that's really important to stand. The other one that's really a go to is like any sort of physical exertion or exercise, right? For men, especially we love like heavy lifting. If you're a runner, that's always great, right? Things like that. If you're a cyclist, I mean, these are ways that you're able to feel that release, and essentially put that energy somewhere. So for the aspect of you, you know, having this energy pent up in you, and you need some form of release, well, this is where, yeah, breath work, any sort of physical energy, any sort of you essentially taking that energy instead of in this case, putting it into your wife, your, you know, for lack of a better term. That's kind of the real thing. What's happening, right? Like, you're essentially taking that energy and you're putting it elsewhere, right? And you're essentially using it in a very masculine way. And

Kate MacDougall
unfortunately, you need another person involved. And if that person is not there, well, yeah, you got to find other strategies. Yeah,

Eric MacDougall
you got to lift you got to exert yourself, you got to push yourself in different ways, right, which is really, really important. The other one that I really want to talk about, which is not about release, it's actually about bringing life energy in. Right. And so for me, when I, you know, I often talk about people. So one of the best thoughts that I give to this is the surfer in the ocean, right? So, surfers are often connected to life energy, because they just like sax, right. And if you're a surfer, you might get this but just like sags, you have to learn to like connect to the ocean, to understand the waves to understand that it's unpredictable, but there is some way that you can learn and connect to it, etc. And so you're not only getting like the adrenaline rush, the release, you're in the water, right? You're connected to life. It's so massive and big. But also you're able to connect to that sense of unpredictability, right? This vastness, if you will. And so any way that you're connecting to nature, in this case, we're talking about connect to the ocean. But anyway that you connect to nature is going to bring that connection, that lifeforce to you. So even if you're walking in nature, this is what I see a lot. People are like, I'm walking in nature, right? But really what they're doing is they're walking head down, marching through nature, thinking about a million things or they're like walking. I've seen this all time we were walking through nature, they're just on their phone. But we want to do is when you're walking through nature, connect to life, connected, the trees, stop, touch the ground, touch the leaves, right, approach yourself bask in the sunlight, right? These are all ways where you're able to slow down and connect to life that is lifeforce. And so by doing that, it's going to be really important for you to be able to be intentional about the way you connect to it. It's not just standing in the woods and being angry and like just going you know, but really connecting to nature to all of life and understanding that you know, it's much more vast than you and allowing yourself to essentially release and kind of surrender into that, right? There's something really magical about that. So whether it's, you know, connecting to an ocean, whether it's being out in the forest in the woods, whether it's, you know, being in the mountains or feeling the wind, these are all ways where you can connect to life energy, right.

Kate MacDougall
So if you're going on a hike and you are going up the hill, head down, whatever it just makes, make sure that once you get to the top, that you really take a moment to like, sit and be there and be still and be and feel that release. You know, like, after you've Honestly, after you've had sex, you kind of get this like tingly feeling in your body, right like everywhere, you just feel like this, like, whoa, like all over your body, you get this like numbness, this this tingling, the endorphins are gone like everything's really. And really when you walk in nature, like when you when you're hiking up a trail, and like whether it be like an easy trail, a mountain, whatever. Like, if you're going for it like you're going going going head down, whatever doesn't matter. Once you get to the top, if you can allow yourself to feel that same tingle, that same numbness that tingle and numbness, you'll realize it's the same is what I was gonna say. But I already said the magic word there same, you'll realize it's the same, it's the same feeling. After you lift heavy weights at the gym. If you sit five, five minutes on the bench or lay down five minutes on the bench, you'll feel that same tingle, you'll feel that same, you know, that same feeling that you do after a sex session. Yeah,

Eric MacDougall
and I think the big part of the challenge is that you for a lot of us as men, we've been conditioned to only experience that sensation through sex, so it's lost to us, we're unable to connect to it. Yeah, and

Kate MacDougall
because the masculine is so focused on Do do do, it's I'm going for a hike, I'm getting to the top of the hill and down, I'm at the top of the hill, I'm going back as I possibly can. Now I'm at the gym, I'm lifting as many weights as I can now I'm dead from lifting the weights going on to the next thing got to go to work out to do this. And that the other thing, nobody actually takes the time to stop and to feel into your body. I mean, I've been doing a yoga teacher training. And also, I've been doing yoga for a long time. And that whole part of the shavasana that last pose, some people call it the corpse pose, whatever it is to feel that tingle to feel the energy moving through your body. And so if you can lay in that shavasana whether it be after a hike or after a surfer after a snowboard or after a whatever a workout in the gym. Like if you can lay in stillness or sit in stillness, you'll feel that tingle and I think that that's, that's the magic. That's where the magic happens. So as much as it's like, yeah, connect with nature, dance, go for a walk, go to the gym, do make healthy lifestyle choices, like we can tell you all this advice. But until you really allow yourself to stop and be grounded and be completely immersed in the moment. And really feel into your body feel into you know, your extremities all your your the tips of your fingers, tips of your toes, the top of your head, all of that you'll feel the blood flowing through you. So if you're more of a scientific person, less meta less, you know, you want to do you want to talk about scientific, you'll feel the blood rushing in your body. That's just how our body is made. Right? So for some people, that's the energy some people it's the blood rushing like, let yourself feel that let yourself be proud of that feeling and, and really allowing yourself to fall into that is allowing yourself to be connected to that feminine energy.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah, yeah, I absolutely love that. And I think it's a great way to describe like this idea of slowing down being present and really connecting to that lifeforce. Not only within your body, but all around you, right, which is there. So, you know, we talked about this idea of because I do want to talk about a another way to be able to connect to the feminine, which is really great. But we have talked about, you know, this difference between whether or not you need to release, which is like through breathing through physical exertion or lifting through, you know, whatever, or it's that you need to connect to that lifeforce. Right. And so, another way to be able to connect to life energy to to your life energy is through creative expression. Right? And so, not just, you know, I think a lot about this, of not just visually experiencing creative expression at its best, right? But also to bring the creative expression outside of you. And, you know, it's funny, like a lot of men don't do this, right? Like, like, painting, dancing, like things like that. A lot of men are just like, I'm not doing that, you know, it's a waste of time. What's the point of painting, but what we're talking about here is you like just letting it out. Right and just kind of letting the paint go and doing whatever or dancing and not having a routine. You're just like moving freely moving your body in whatever way and you're experiencing that sense of freedom. You're letting go. Right and that It is how you connect to that life energy. It's not structured. And so you can do this not only within yourself by you dancing by you finding creative outlets, right? Whether it's something that people play music, right, banging on the drums and just going at it playing guitar and just really connecting to a thing, right, exactly all these ways. But you can also, you know, visually connect to creative expression. And this is like, really old school. But if you think about it, you know, the story I like to tell is in different tribes, right, what they typically do is they allow, like, the purest form of feminine expression of life energy to them, is like a girl who hasn't become a woman yet. Right? And so an older like, you know, think about like, 1920 years old, she's not a woman yet. And what they would do is they would essentially be around these fires, and they'd celebrate and blah, blah, blah. And then at some point, these women would come out and they would just freely dance right? In the fire. There was a divergence

Kate MacDougall
note. Well, what does it mean? Not not a woman yet? Well,

Eric MacDougall
yeah, they're virgins. They haven't been married to a man yet. They haven't been taken wife. Right. And a lot of these tribes it's still very much like, you know,

Kate MacDougall
not a woman. Yeah, I'm like, long How are you going with this? Eric? Go on? Go on. Um, so now they're all standing. Yeah, I'm my brain when Danny in the middle damn thing.

Eric MacDougall
Yeah. Have you ever seen this in like shows and stuff like that, and movies and tribal scenes where it's like, the whole communities, their men and women, you know, older kids. And then all of a sudden there's like these younger women who aren't married, who just freely dance music is going the men are banging on drums and, and all they're doing is moving their bodies, right. And a lot of times people think when they see that, especially in the Western world, yeah, that's exactly what you just did. strippers, which is this idea of sexualization? Yeah, of like, their, that's being objectified. They're sexualizing their body. But the reality is, this is like the highest gift for these women, because they are able to express and give life energy to the tribe. Right. And so this actually brings the entire tribe more life energy. And that's a big part of how the tribe survives. Yeah, it's not just because otherwise they're just like down all the time working all the time had nose to the grindstone feeling bad, but through these expressions of drumming of painting of you know, painting their bodies

Kate MacDougall
of Yeah, and really the answer Yeah, that's exactly what I was gonna say like, oh, you're with me? Oh, no, it was more about the less about the women dancers. Come on. No, no, no, my head went there. My Western hand went there. Yeah, sorry. Guilty. No, I was thinking more like when you were talking about painting and stuff like how like men when you look at like First Nations and things like that, like in a lot of different countries. Like they have a lot of like, like body painting or or like painting on walls and rocks and things like that and drumming like I know like how landed like Ali Yeah, are like First Nations they have this like, like this beautiful song and dance and the men dance and the women dance and and there's just like this huge like, like he said like these like giant like gatherings where they get all get together and share this life energy and the strippers dance. No, I don't know it's I think what triggered me there was like the young virgins a virgin but it was like in my head I'm like, Why can't the married woman dance? Hmm. And I'm sure the married when did move and dance to it's just I think they like have a different I

Eric MacDougall
get to you kind of through all your baggage. I

Kate MacDougall
just want to I want to dance just because I'm married. I want to dance dance. I'm

Eric MacDougall
glad more women should

Kate MacDougall
come dancing right now.

Eric MacDougall
So getting back to it exactly what you're saying in this case where even you know the man the women, they're painting the bodies and they're drumming connecting together. Yeah, like if you think about it in that vessel of community. That is life energy.

Kate MacDougall
Yeah. And I think that that idea of men being call it artistic call it whatever is so lost in this western society. Like so many men hide their talents. So many men, you know, don't openly talk about the fact that they love to draw or they love unless, you know, they're publishing a book. And they they, you know, were the artists for work

Eric MacDougall
about like, even like raising young boys. Yeah. I want to paint you know, you want to go play soccer. I

Kate MacDougall
was just about to say we went to the doctor's today. And the doctor offered a sticker for Elodie after her her procedure. It wasn't even a procedure. What is it like her test? Her testing? And then Francis went right after and he didn't offer him a sticker. And I was like, that's weird. And then I was like and then process was like, Can I have a sticker? Can I have a sticker so I asked them October. I was like, Do you mind if he gets to pick a sticker as well? And he was like, oh, yeah, no problem. I didn't think I didn't think little boys really wanted stickers. And I was like you. You were the reason

Eric MacDougall
why you were shopping around for new doctor. So,

Kate MacDougall
no. He's a really, really nice doctor. But he is much older. So I can imagine that, like, you know, he has sons that are your age, like you didn't want to offend? Yeah, yeah. So he has sons that are your age. And, and I'm thinking, wow, like his sons were probably raised in a home where they weren't allowed to have stickers that the sister could have stickers. But he wouldn't say

Eric MacDougall
like, here's here's a wood chopping axe, or like a knife. It's like, here's a hunting. Yeah,

Kate MacDougall
well, maybe not in that family. Because that city, but maybe I mean, it didn't seem like the big hunting type of guy. But maybe,

Eric MacDougall
yeah, so as we're kind of wrapping up here, we really want to really encourage all men, right to be able to connect to other ways to release some of this energy that maybe feels pent up, but also connects to life energy in different ways. And it might be scary for a lot of men, right? It might be looked down upon, but surround yourself by other men who are willing to champion that, right, because I think that's extremely healthy. And I think that is very masculine of us to be able to connect to that part of ourselves. And not necessarily always be dependent on our feminine partner to provide that energy for us in the act of sex,

Kate MacDougall
right and start small, start with something you're comfortable with. And eventually move into dancing naked in the middle of a circle around all your neighbors or

Eric MacDougall
by paint your workshop, and then

Kate MacDougall
paint your body and go dance by the fire in your backyard. Wow, you went way too fast. That's a good idea. You should try that.

Eric MacDougall
I love that. Yeah, what a great idea.